Swimming in an open ocean.

My intention for this blog has never been to be super serious or have a plethora of insightful thoughts. However, this particular post may contain more "heavy-ness" than previous ones. Mainly because right now an amazingly fantastical transition is going on and I'm extraordinarily excited about it.

I've never been a super religious person but definitely a spiritual one, and yes I do believe there is a difference for me, and really for every individual. I see religion as a way to redemption. I find it to be more structured/organized, more traditional, more routine and ritualistic (I hope that's a word?). Spirituality on the other hand, is the driving force behind believing what I believe. For me its a more personal and unique experience. I think you can have a God or a greater power in both and it varies depending on the individual. I find a lot of my peace and joy in nature and (currently) Starbucks. I find a lot of my belief in God in nature and in science. Of all the science related classes Ive encountered I find myself asking questions like how is it possible this little microscopic life form just sporadically appeared and these molecular processes just happen? Living in Colorado I looked at the mountains that encompassed my life and wondered how anything other than something bigger could create them. I believe in maturation, evolution, progression etc, and to each his own, but this nature/science thinking is where I personally find my belief of God.

A great deal of my time spent in my prayer journal is asking questions, challenging ideas or messages I have previously been taught, asking for help, seeking comfort, etc. I can confidently say much of my church experience or searching for God can be summed up into one word -confusing! That is until now. Don't misread that last sentence- I have by no means nearly figured everything out, but I've also never felt this connected. I feel like God has removed a lot of my safety rafts in order to leave me swimming in an open ocean with him as my only lifeboat. My safety rafts being friends/family, open ocean being life and God as my lifeboat. Fun analogy ey? Rather than feeling lost or lonely I feel peaceful, comforted, enlightened and utterly blissful!

This all comes full circle in my prayer journal and one particular book "Walking with God" by John Eldredge. I realize there is a chance I may be biased to this book because John Eldredge is from the wonderful state of CO:) This book is a little out there at times for my taste. It has moments where the narrator literally hears God speak and tell him to hunt or not, to read or not, etc, which I have never experienced...but the underlining message(s) are fabulous. Here are some of my favorite lines:

"Don't let your experience of God up to this point limit what you might enjoy with him in the coming years."

"Let go of the pressure that says you have to hear from him right now or things are not right between you."

"The first major awakening in our journey of faith is coming to realize that God exists. It can be quite a jolt"

"It causes you to mature, for you have to be intentional and deal with assaults directly. No more dodging. I want to stop avoiding disruption"

"When it comes to crisis or events that really upset us, this I have learned: you can have God or you can have understanding. Sometimes you can have both. But if you insist on understanding, it often doesn't come. And that can create distance between you and God, because you are upset and demanding an explanation in order to move on, but the explanation isn't coming, and so you withdraw a bit from God and lose the grace God is giving. He doesn't explain everything. But he always offers us himself."

"I felt that life was up to me (that was my wounding). I resolved to live life though it were up to me"

I could go into great detail as to what each of these particular quotes means to me but that's a much longer post. I hope I'm not coming off as being this uber spiritual believer because believe me I have my reservations, my questions, my challenges, etc. All in all...Its especially comforting personally to know and believe that there is someone else planning and helping me through the vast ocean of life, always there waiting and willing to offer me the lifeboat. It is quite exhilarating!