WWJD??

Recently I have been playing with the idea of studying the bible, more so to learn what everything is about. My mindset has always been that in order for me to commit to that process and feel Gods power, or whatever, I have to act like God would want me to act...hence the What Would Jesus Do title :). To some extent this is in fact true, turn the other cheek,treat others how I want to be treated, eye for eye tooth, etc. However, something has sort of in a sense clicked. It's not merely taking actions and living how i would think God would want me to through my daily life, but thinking (whether its a possibility or not) that God has something planned. To clarify I see life's misfortunes, uncertainties, afflictions, sufferings, whatever, as God punishing me (bad i know). The easiest example that comes to mind is North Carolina. My family moved here for the church, no other real reason, yet to this day my family has not been happy, even content, with any church for the past 5 years. Normally I take this as a slap in the face from God, kinda like he is messing with my life, again bad I know. However, I'm realizing that my parents don't view it like this at all, they view it as God working a plan that is beyond anything they can comprehend...I'm honestly still struggling with how they could have such strong faith and trust but nonetheless they do. When i am feeling like pain or misfortune I get selfish and blame God for making me suffer rather than see it as a learning experience to make me a stronger person. So back to the "clicking"- I think it would be good for me to think that god does have something planned rather than just being bitter and angry with god. Something possible that seems impossible, ay! I think for anyone this may be hard to carry out on a daily basis. By that i mean thinking that God is constantly in control and constantly does have something up his, metaphorical, sleeve. :)


I came across a quote in this book I'm reading..."It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until he has hurt him deeply." A.W. Tozer. In one sense I'm cynical thinking why hurt me at all just bless me. In another sense it makes total sense..oh sense :) i think especially for me I need to see and feel Gods power or plan before i can jump in...but I'm trying to have the attitude and mind set that if i need to suffer in order to see or believe bring it on...And to be honest with my self, and whoever else wastes their time reading this :), I don't exactly know why all of a sudden my view and attitude has changed from very pessimistic to very optimistic. In addition, knowing me its bound to change a trillion and one times, but for now I cant say i hate this optimistic view!


I think when I am feeling overwhelmed or confused or just uncertain, I have a three step reaction process.

1. resentment
2. isolation/pushing people away
3. I doubt everything I once believed was true

However! I believe that I am starting, at least trying, to realize that the most incredibly horrid place on the planet to be when I am doubting stuff-is alone. But you know what they say... better late then never :)


All in all I think I am coming to the recognition of a few things. A. I need not only to act how God would want me to act but also think and try to believe that he is doing what is best for me, whether or not it seems so. B. my life at the moment isn't going to get easier, and rather than being resentful, isolated, and doubtful, I need to suck it up buttercup and truck on through! and lastly C. I , and I would think others, avoid the truth when it is painful and hard, but nonetheless I cant avoid it any longer!

Quote of the Moment:
"Scepticism is the beginning of Faith"
Oscar Wilde