Oh what fun this is! i saw becky and melissas blog and decided that i would make one as well...guess im a follower :) In my defence i feel like reading their blogs made me feel more connected now that i live a bizillion miles away.
****(just a little side notez: i reread this and it is somewhat blunt and rant-ish...sorry!)****
I love reading beckys and hearing about my brother and everything that is going on in their lives. It made me sad today because, while im sitting in my utterly useless literature class, i realized just how much i miss them! I thought the whole time in NC that boston was right for me, and it just wasnt. I didnt see the people who i was hoping to see and spend time with as much as i had imagined. It was even more clear that i should move when i became at odds with one of my best friends..long sotry...In addition paying 40000 dollars for school was merely impossible for me. I dont at all regret living in Boston in fact, im quite sure i would have regretted it if i never went. Anyways, back to beckys blog :) I think reading it i get a sense of encouragement. I love hearing all the funny things that jack and katie say, and im truely amazed at the patience that becky has. i think that everything she juggles is incredible.
Im somewhat hesitant to doing bloggs because its like a public diary, which is stinking scary! I am by no means a put together person, even on my best days. i am completely confused and sometimes just completely lost. A quick example is alot of other blogs i have read are about the bible which just confuses the heck out of me, and to make it worse i cant express in words whats confusing me. I guess i hope someday it will just be clear what to believe in and what i should follow, because i really do miss church. last week in my ethics class, i was challenged. I made an argument that much of religion is based off of faith... and to be perfectly honest i have no idea what religion is based off of. I am scared beyond belief to go to church because ever since i moved to north Carolina it has been a complete disappointment. After leaving The Triangle Church Of Christ, i probelly attended 25+ churches, and my fmaily still didnt find one that was "good enough" or "right." Well how am i supposed to know what is right now? I thought that Boston church of crist and triangle were right, but apparently i was completely blinded about what was going on. It makes me sad because i really miss going to church and having that connection with other people. Excuse my bluntness but i feel somewhat screwed over by God because i feel completely left alone. My family has been looking for a church for the past 6 years and they still cant find one? My dad always says that God has a purpose for everything but i realy cant see the reason behind moving to nc. if anything it made me lose 100% faith in God. i dont trust he wants whats best for me because, i dont think he wants whats best for my family becayse of everything that has happened since moving. Im not unrealistic either. i know that my life will not be perfect, and my families life will not be perfect. Im not asking that of God, but we have been close to miserable since moving, so where is the help?? Then friends come into play. Today for some reason i am just in that mood where i miss someone a lot and its completely killing me. I think that some of what has happened is my fault and some is the other persons. But i dont know if there is a worse feeling that losing someone you cared about more than anyone. Its like someone in my family has died and is gone forever, and i know i have never had a direct family member die but, man, i sure feel like i have. All i can say is its not fair. I miss this person and there is nothing i can do about it...
i could go on forever and probably will as the posts go on...but needless to say today has been rough on my emotions!!!
haha on a lighter note im going on my first ever snowboarding trip this friday! hopefully i wont break anything!!!!
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